JAY - Living in Pretend

All my life I've been fair inside a world that isn’t
Getting curved by those don't know when's their turn to listen
And as of late I’ve only found what my purpose isn't
On the outside I'm great, but inside I'm disturbed and now distant
Stuck inside of this absurdist prison
Dreams and visions of a new world, word to Liston
And I've been deep in some personal schisms
I'll just say my mind's been starting to work a lil different
My pen is like I'm used to surgical whipping
And won’t stop til all the things I’m deserving of's given
Cause I’m not tryna do worse in the system
Made pay, put over half away, call it the curse of wisdom
They say I'm trying too hard but I prefеr persistence
Twеlve projects in three years and all through the work I've risen
But now I'm taking my time on a debut album
Really tryna murk all the verses I’ve written
I know my voice hasn't been one you've heard in a minute
I kicked my passion to the curb while the earth keep on spinning
I'll admit that I deserted the image of being an artist
And honestly don't know if it's worth it to finish
Worried I'm kidding myself
And possibly doing this just to please the kid in myself, that's real
Yet I don't know what I would've or I could've been
Feeling like this path only gave me a digital footprint
So maybe this is the end
Started a decade back so it's tough to comprehend
I got fifty odd people listening, 3/4s of them friends
I'm still a nobody, hobby got me living in pretend
Sick in the head
Man I'm tired of feeling inadequate, even my struggles
'Cause it really ain't nothing compared to what's all been happening
In other people's lives, I don't live in a war
Not been through trafficking or having cops rock up to my door
I've never had to be a woman walking by herself
My biggest issue's thinking everything's a sign then embarrass myself for tryna help
Or that my music isn't too niche to write and sell
So close to getting MF Midas shelved
Worried I'm kidding myself
And all these expectations leading me to killing myself, that's real
Yet I don't know what I could've or would've been
And everybody's telling me everything that I should've been
So maybe this is the end
Started a decade back so it's tough to comprehend
I got fifty odd people listening, 3/4s of them friends
I'm still a nobody, hobby got me living in pretend
Sick in the head

Jayrachi is a 19 yr old rapper from Elkhart, Indiana.