Evil Kalen Almeida - NO MIC NEEDED

〈intro〉
Listen, i'm gonna be real with you
If you don't like this album, it's probably because i made all these lyrics and recording at 2am and i thought it was funny
Or, you just hate it because, well, i'm speaking into my phone right now and i have no mic
But if you do like it, well..

〈verse 1〉
Evil
First take like i'm stephen a
Wanna hear what i gotta say
First thing imma take your girl
Never mind she thought i was gay
Was it the axe body spray?
Or was it that time that i slayed?
I'd rather take over the world
Look back and i say heyyyy
Here's my thesis, the only good guy i mess with is jеsus
I'm just way to devious, take the contract rip it up into piеces
Superman, your man, oh man where he at
I'm a vandal, i put the name on the map
Looks like your clan is under attack, shouldn't have rushed the base, all facts
I'm california dreaming, but travel costs so i'm plotting and scheming
Might sound demeaning, i got no qualities that could be redeeming
On the way to the studio, on the road, tailgate high beaming
I'm gonna put on a show, unless feds keep intervening
I hate spring cleaning, hop on obs, i'd rather be streaming
How bad am i seeming? my tomfoolery leaves them all seething
Touchdown in the end zone, in my alien spaceship meaning
Smile for the photo, and they can't take a hint so i leave them all screaming
Got a stocking, fresh full of charcoal, 'sall good i know i gotta pay a toll
If only y'all seen my side, makes sense, it tastes like a mouthful of cyanide
Wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole, wouldn't bump me when i'm in my zone
They looking at me wide eyed, guess that's the downside of my..
Endless possibility, radically, totally, evilly
Growing from the beginning, all up inside of me
Don't make that weird
And i wouldn't want to be opps, when my brand new beanie drops
You gotta see in the shops
Pair it with a brand new crop top
〈skit〉
Hey, can we focus please?
Thank you
Goons these days
Now you know how it is
Now where were we
Oh yeah, right around here
Gotcha

〈verse 2〉
Hey vsauce, kalen here
Don't say my name in fear
Of me there's only one
So you might as well cheer
And i'll be here all year
And i'm gonna grab my beer
And i'm not gonna adhere
Just so we're perfectly clear
If you get in my way
I'll have to end your career
You gon' have to pray
I'm the next bill laimbeer
And all the things i say
Are all for you to hear
I will shoot everyone up
Like i'm a buccaneer
Or like an engineer
Meeting a cavalier
I'm the evilest player
On the new frontier
And i'm still not gay
But i'm a little queer
And i know that's okay
So get that in your ear
Do not try to compare me
To a cashier
I'd rather have all the banks
Before i take from here
I'll step into a new gear
I'm waiting for payday
Uganda's coming here
Do you know the way?

At the young age of 8 years old, future musician and missing person Kalen Almeida would drink from the fountain of evil, granting him the power of . He has since spent the last dozen years ing. Alright