Blood Girl - Braindead

I clog the toilet when i flush cus my apartments old and fucked up
I’ve stopped worrying too much yet i still worry quite a lot
I think im lonely but im not im just bored and i should shut up
I think im angry but its stuff like life that makes it hard to live it right

I know im not a monster but i still feel like a failure
Theres a ratio thats off of me pretending to be healthier
I know im not the worst but it is not like i am good
I just know i could be better if i tried to be like you

I know i know
You say that i am great in fact you say it constantly
I feel after years of that it should’ve somewhat hit me
I am better now than ever but i still feel really scared
Cus now i have something to lose if im not prepared

And now and now
I burn my tongue on soup and scratch the scab for days on end
I spit blood into the sink and it makes me want to kill myself
I fuck up my own body to feel good for a sec
Like i can see the proof if i just look down on my legs

I was smoking outside when my cuts were peaking out my shorts
Before i got them covered up a stranger sorta saw
It was a father and his child and he just gave a pity smile
It wasn’t really anything but made me want to cry

Relapsing is hard but i haven’t talked about it after all
Ive done this shit for so long i just dont think there is more for me
To say about how hard it is to only can relax when i
Am digging a boxcutter into the skin on my thigh

And slitting slitting in the skin i always carry round with me
Shitty shitty how this is the final skin ill ever see
I feel feel it hen the blood is dripping down my pantyhose
Its fitting fitting feels like this is something i deserve and so

The toilet doesn’t flush and i am sitting on the bathroom floor
Stopped cutting in the bath cus it just makes me want to do it more
Think im tired but im not i just haven’t eaten anything today
And life is tiring as fuck but i am doing it my way

Im an addict for the pain and i lie when i complain
About the scars im covered in the knife i carry with me everyday
I think my sentence is the pain and i like to hurt myself
Im not unhappy all the time but i feel like its the only way
To feel like i am in control to get rid of all the thoughts
Thats why i cut or smoke or squeeze the dirt from all my pores
Its so much easier to hurt yourself than think of what you’re going thru
So i would rather sit braindead and bleed out every afternoon

Blood Girl is a 21 year old clown who sings about sadness and existential dread
Welcome to blood world!